My Hiding Place

     

**This was written over a 2 day period and is unedited (mostly). I am still focusing on my husband, who remains in the ICU.

 August 13th. Today I sit beside my husband. Yet another day in the ICU. You know it becomes normal when you start reading or blogging ...

     One of my favorite books is The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. For those familiar with the book, you will know why. To those who aren't, I highly recommend it. It tells the true story of Corrie Ten Boom and how her family hid Jews from the Nazis. 

    Even the events before the Holocaust that Corrie writes about are a bit hard to read as I sit here. I came across a line that talked about death. I had to set the book down for a moment. And then I came across a part where Corrie describes the first day she went to school. She didn't want to go. So her father took her hand and said he would walk her to school. I will give a small quote here, "My hand in Father's! That meant the windmill on the Spaarne, or swans on the canal. But this time he was taking me where I didn't want to go! There was a railing along the bottom of the five steps: I grabbed it with my free hand and held on. Skilled watchmaker's fingers closed over mine and gently unwound them. Howling and struggling, I was led away from the world I knew into a bigger, stranger, harder one."

    How often do we have to go through something that makes us want to grab a railing and try to stay where we feel safe and comfortable? We cling to what makes us feel at home, to what we know. And yet our Heavenly Father will grab us by the hand and lead us place we don't want to go. Even if we can't see it at the time, His hand is always guiding us. The skilled Watchmaker, meticulously planning and caring for every beat of our heart. I want to try to let go of the railing and trust His guidance, at the same time, just like Corrie, I would much rather go see swans. 

    There are those who believe being Christian means God will protect you from all suffering. This, of course, is not true. The reality is we live in a fallen world, and God never promises we will not suffer. In 1 Peter 1: 6-7 (ESV) we are told we will suffer. "6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. "

    Yesterday ( August 14th), I got a call just before 4:30 AM that my husband was again in AFIB and tachycardic. I responded to the nurse and doctor. The conversation is a blur. I didn't want to be in this situation. I felt like a small child, being led through a graveyard in the middle of the night. Fear, death, cold, damp loneliness. And then I felt anger. WHY!!?? He was doing better the night before. My plan was to wake up, take a shower, eat, and then head back to the hospital. Instead, I barely had the sense to change out of pajamas - and that was only because my friend who found me in the middle of the bedroom floor crying said she would change and take me to the hospital. 

    When I got to the ICU, Mark was still in AFIB, and I watched the heart monitor bounce from 188 to 212 back and forth like a sick twisted game of Pong. I prayed as best I could. Then it occurred to me I could ask others to pray to. I made 2 Facebook posts (Yes, I still use Facebook. I'm a bit too old for Insta and talk too much for TikTok.) I made a post on my personal page and then in a prayer group. To my surprise, within seconds, people responded that they were praying. I had no idea how early some of my friends wake up. Within moments, Mark's heart slowed down and became more stable.

    And then I saw it. God's hand. That painful, fearful moment showed me how swiftly our Heavenly Father will intercede when we pray. Now, dear reader, you may scoff and say, "But God allowed you to go through that moment He could have prevented it." Yes, that is correct, but then I would not have seen how wonderous and beautiful the Power of prayer is. You may also say, "But he is still sick and in ICU... he could still die." I know. 

    Trusting God doesn't mean that I expect all pain and suffering to end. It means that I will find refuge in Him. He is our hiding place. We need only cry out to Him who watches over all. 

    When Peter tried to walk on water, he fell beneath the waves. And it was when he cried out that Jesus reached out and saved him. But he first allowed Peter to fall beneath the raging sea. We must walk by faith and not by sight. And when we allow fear to overcome us, we must pause and remember to turn our eyes unto the hills from which comes our help.